ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
