We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
