his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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