if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
