i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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