I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
