eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
