You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
