every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize