the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
