He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
