I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
