Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is my gift to your gina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
