Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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