I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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