I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
