Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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