awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
