I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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