So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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