I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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