i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
