Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize