I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mom said you looked used
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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