it was like eating out sand paper
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
