you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
