Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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