So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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