i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
