Someone shit on the floor
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
