Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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