i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
