my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
