Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
