It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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