I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
