people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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