and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize