Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
