So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
