Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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