Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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