you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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