if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
