So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
