I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
