I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im part way to drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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