What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
