Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
