she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
