You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
