maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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