Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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