I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize