My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
