Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my phone needs a breathalizer
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
