The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
