WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
