remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
