woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
