Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
