i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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