just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
