im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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