ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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