you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We need to get me chipped asap
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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