I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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