nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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