so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
