I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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