Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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