i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
