I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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