Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
