Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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