i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
