i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Blood and glitter go together right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
