After last night, I could never be a politician.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
