I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
