I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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