I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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