So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
