At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Reggie can tackle my bush.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
