Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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