I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
