Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
