i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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