My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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