I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I could teleport
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
