watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
