You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My feet surprised me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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