I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
