A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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