My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, beer. Big fan.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
