Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
