i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
