she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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