May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
