The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
