I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I came so hard my ears popped.
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