YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you never un-have a 4some
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize