My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
