but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
