you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
